When I started digging deeper I found there were lot of issues and not so good decisions. But I was not made aware of those. Some different equations were building in the org structure as well. All these things made me uncomfortable somewhere deep inside and I started thinking of my position, future in the department. The two month gap also had kept me away from technology which is my primary skill and I was becoming more of a typical manager than a technocrat manager. I discussed all these things with my wife and the discussion gave me a new paradigm to look at not just what changed in these two months but what happened before that which led to this situation. It was one of those Aha moments that gives you new knowledge about the same things.
The Comfort Zone
What I realized that with age and power, I got a team. I could pass on the responsibilities and get things done. I was lucky to get some good team members who took up the work and delivered well. I soon became habitual and made some of those as part of their routine responsibilities. That gave me time to focus on some of the core technical work and also help me keep the technical edge. In my personal life as well I started getting used to similar situation. Whenever I was in some group of relatives or friends, if someone was taking responsibility, my natural reaction was to let the person do the work and I would happily step away. With the good salary that comes along with promotions, many of my financial woes were also gone and though, it is still not fully funded life, there is a comfort zone to fulfill most of my families requirements/ demands.
What I have realized today in my discussion with wify dear is that there is a comfort zone that I have got so much used to that I have become lazy. I am letting some of the important tasks to be done by the team/ family members and the mindset has become like if there is no fire there is no need to worry. This habit of being in comfort zone is also cause of stress, irritation, anger in many situations. Example, when I come home, kids specially the younger one who is 3 yr old has made mess of the house and the thought that I have to work and clean it up creates stress. I am driving smoothly on road and other guys cut lanes, drive too close and you have to come out of comfort zone to be alert. This type of events make me really lose my calm and cause a lot of stress. Similarly my juniors have regularly done good job and I rely on them too much and in last few months, out of laziness, I have stopped checking what they do. They are also now used to not reporting to me unless there is big fire.
The mid life crisis and getting out of it
It is quite common in mid life to find ourselves struggling to figure out where the life is leading us. I myself have experienced lack of ambition, lack of direction, lack of enthusiasm to do things. You tend to get things done than do them. For me the habit of being in comfort zone has brought in complacency & laziness. Someone has said that the biggest enemy of best is good. We are happy with what we have and that stops us from going further. I think the experiences that we have got till mid life also constantly start making us avert the risk and stay in comfort zone. This to me is the ageing process. To avoid this ageing process one has to come out of the comfort zone and stop assuming things will happen. We have to be constantly active, vigilant, make things happen than let them happen.
With this new thinking I am again feeling charged. I am constantly reminding me of getting out of comfort zone and I will update this post/blog about my experiences of the same.
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